Wrestling with God

I just finished reading Paulo Coelho's The Fifth Mountain for the 2nd or 3rd time and am walking away from it having been inspired in new ways. On a side note, every time I read his masterpiece, The Alchemist, I get something new out of it, much like reading scripture or your patriarchal blessing--you read and "hear" new things based on your life experience and spiritual readiness. The old saying, "The master will appear when the student is ready" has been true throughout my life.

For you who have not read this work, The Fifth Mountain is a story about Elijah (from the Old Testament). Coelho portrays him as a reluctant prophet, one who heard the voice of the Lord when he was young but his parents were not supportive of this "gift" and pursuaded him to ignore the voices he heard and work as a carpenter. For years the Lord had been silent in his life and then he is commanded to appear before Ahab and Jezebel and tell them that the Lord was going to seal the heavens until the time that Israel stopped the worship of the false god, Baal, and return to the Lord. Of course, he is hated by Jezebel and hunted and Elijah flees the land. This book is about where he goes and what he does while he is in exile.

A couple of thoughts prevailed with me during this reading. The first one is that many of us doubt our talents or "calling" in life. When we are young we are not afriad to dream and all know what we want to be "when we grow up." These goals are almost always based on what we enjoy doing or respect, but as we get older we start to doubt ourselves and start seeing the world in a darker, less opportunistic way. We take a job because we need the money, maybe become comfortable in the routine--even if we don't enjoy it--and forget our dreams. And then when the chance comes to pursue our dreams again, fear sets in, and that doubt becomes enough to snuff out the tiny flame of hope and our dreams. Consider the following:

"Fear exists until the moment when the unavoidable happens. After that, we must waste none of our energy on it."

"Every man hath the right to doubt his task, and to forsake it from time to time; but what he must not do is forget it. Whoever doubteth not himself is unworthy—for in his unquestioning belief in his ability, he commiteth the sin of pride. Blessed are they who go through moments of indecision."

This story line has hit me hard right now in my life, considering the possibilities that are looming out there to write full time and my fears and doubts about my abilities and whether I can actually do it. These few words give me great comfort.

The other story line I want to comment on is the theme of "Wrestling with God." The book recounts and incorporates the story from Genesis 32 when Jacob (as in Abraham, Isaac, and Jacoc) wrestles with a messenger from God and refuses to let him go until he blesses him and his household. "I will not let thee go, except thou bless me." This messenger then blesses him and changes his name from Jacob to Israel. This concept, as odd as it might sound (especially at first), of "wrestling" with God aptly describes the way many of us feel when things don't go the way we expected, or when tragedy (in one form or another) strikes us. The book makes the point that we all must "wrestle" with God at these times in our lives and we must have the courage and strength to not "let go" until He blesses us. It adds new dimension to the concept of enduring to the end.